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Diary – Day 6: C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me!

August 21, 2009

I love the Muppet, The Swedish Chef, but there is a lesser known patron of the culinary arts in muppet land.  He is Cookie Monster of Sesame Street. Cookie’s favorite food is, not surprisingly, the cookie and, as a child, I had a place mat with Cookie Monster in chef’s toque stirring a batch of his favorite fix. My mouth would water as I looked at the batch of cartoon cookie dough and imagined what it smelled like. Once I licked the placemat – it tasted and smelled like plastic foam. I also did this with the realistic looking magnets on my mother’s refrigerator – a peanut butter cookie and a nutter butter sandwich cookie. They looked soo real that I had to try. Neither tasted like the real thing.

Vegan cookies are on par with those plasticine magnets. They look appetizing, but are disgusting. Regular vegan cookies at least are possible though – the skinny bitch method makes them nearly impossible. Without any sugar you don’t have much to go on – at best a flat, misshapen hippie style health food cookie with the softness of a dry muffin. Thanks, but no thanks. You need butter and sugar and, occasionally, an egg or two to make a decent cookie. It’s just chemistry.

There’s something special about a good cookie that lifts one’s spirit. I am particular and not just any will do. I like them crispy, homemade, and lightly flavored. No triple fudge chunk coconut caramel surprise for me.

Today I fixate on the cookie as I open an email sent to the whole office – subject line: COOKIES IN THE KITCHEN!

Some fucker with our printing company had sent them as a thank you. Is this grounds for a lawsuit? I knew what kind they were, they were the half baked, soft style, leave-a-circle-of-grease-on-the-doily, multi-chip concoctions that while having what I feel is an ersatz taste are peddled as just like grandma’s.

These are cookies I can resist. Then why do they look so appealing right now? I encouraged the men of the office to take two, I re-alerted our paralegal to their presence and then I waited until I was sufficiently grossed out enough by the shear number of hands and fingers that had, undoubtedly, poked around in the boxes with their grubby mits before I ventured into the kitchen for another cup of coffee.

It’s day 6 and I am almost to a full week of this and I think I am doing well. Great even. Super. Yay or whatever.

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