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September 15, 2009

This past weekend was a dark visitation of cravings past. I continued with my vegan regimen but also added in things I was not supposed to eat.  Example – brown rice and vegetables for lunch, followed by frozen yogurt several hours later.  A baked apple and puffed rice cereal followed by a small Hawaiian pizza for dinner.  Cherry Garcia peace pop to cap it all off.

This is why I have decided to do the Master Cleanse.  (just google it right now and come back to reading later).

Are you sufficiently weirded out by the hippie pseudo-science, the glowing internet testimonials from people who can’t spell and the promise of a Beyonce slimdown?  Yes, so am I.  You see, I still distrust hippies, I hate it when people cannot spell and I grew up around people who consider Beyonce heavy.  The numbers though – those are what draw me in.  Promises of 10-20 pound weight loss and a complete killing of cravings.  Now that is something I need. It’s also all vegan and skinny bitch approved so it is merely an offshoot as far as the rules are concerned.

One problem is that I have limited access to a grocery store, so had to buy the necessary things at the downtown grocery – a store that falls very short of the organic goal. I used their grade A maple syrup (because it was all that was available – B is preferred), their non-organic lemons, and the cayenne pepper from my own pantry.  I also used kosher salt this morning for that salt water flush – not the recommended sea salt.  I just thought I would give the diet a go with easily attainable items before I can get to the organic food store on Wednesday.

I must say, Monday day went pretty well.  The entire day I had nothing but that weird lemonade – which I refuse to mix together.  I drink the cayenne and water together and then down the maple syrup lemon juice mixture separate. Mixing them produces a smell that is truly putrid – separate it’s not so bad.

The entire day I googled more and more about the diet until just before I was due to leave I found it – a loop hole.  Days 1-3 are meant as an ease in period in which you can eat fruit, nuts and vegetables in small quantities.  Armed with this knowledge I set out for home where I fully intended to make another cup of lemon concoction – but, instead, had some sweet potato puree and brown rice – and the remaining portion of the Hawaiian pizza.  I reasoned that it had fruit on it, after all.

It then occurred to me, I didn’t eat anything all day until sundown.  I just celebrated Ramadan.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 15, 2009 8:59 am

    You big Muslim you! Did I tell you about the single Muslim woman who lives behind us? She normally doesn’t wear a head-scarf but this week she did. She was so hungry, poor thing, that she actually put her microwave on her dining table (as not to have to get up to serve into dishes) and as soon as it was sundown, she went crazy with what looked like a stack of Chinese food containers, popping one in, eating one, switching, and continuing until she had about 12 empty containers.

    I read how this started: brown rice and vegetables for lunch, followed by frozen yogurt several hours later.

    I have to ask, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? That’s totally good stuff. And I don’t even care what store it comes from. I’m hitting the gym as much as possible, sticking to my Special K in the am, 1 sandwich and a fruit cup at lunch, and a mixed salad or fish, or…anything homemade (no fast food) at night and my pounds are still shedding easily.

    So I say, stick to what you were doing in the first place and you will be happier and eventually thinner too. No promised miracle internet diet has ever really worked. This much has been scientifically proven my dear.

  2. kristenvolt permalink*
    September 15, 2009 9:09 am

    Will you kindly stop making sense.

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