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Navigating the Office Breakfast

October 16, 2009

Today is Bosses’ Day – the day when we are asked to remember our employers and all they do for us, like pay us for the work we do and refrain from hitting us. I am pretty lucky in that I work for some pretty decent people and I love an opportunity to cook so I eagerly signed up for the Bosses’ Day Breakfast.

It’s a potluck breakfast buffet of sorts. Signup sheet, etc. I believe nearly an entire hog was sacrificed and 2 gallons of butter spilled to provide this morning’s spread. Sausage balls, pigs in a blanket and sausage biscuits sidled up next to cheese grits with bacon and mini quiche lorraine (frozen appetizers). A box of doughnuts snuggled next to 5 tubs of assorted flavored cream cheeses meant to spread not on bagels but on croissants.

The sole vegan offering was a bowl of previously frozen fruit salad that had been defrosted in the microwave 10 minutes prior to serving. It looked warm and bruised.  How appetizing.

Of course, I’d like to think the sole dietary as well as visually appealing standout were my corn muffins. While not vegan, at least they were not likely to give anyone a heart attack. Made with egg beaters and skim milk and filled with fresh corn kernels and green chile they were a big hit. 

The dregs of the breakfast still linger in the breakroom, with each passing moment gathering more and more potential food poisoning. Why is it then I have the strongest urge to snap up a pig in a blanket?

A call to the office locusts!!! Please (re)descend!!!!

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