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(un)Holy, holy, holy – lord god, almighty

November 16, 2009

Churchy people always seem to know the exact recipe for making something so wonderful into something so completely disgusting.

Churchy bible study lady was talking in the breakroom about her weekend. She went on an adults retreat to the Smokey Mountains – home of Dollywood, clog dancing, religiousity of the overly zealous variety and moonshine. In addition to a rousing bible study on Friday night the group of twenty faithful did a lot of cooking.

One brutally detailed concoction involved pancake batter poured in a bread tin with a sausage link every two inches.  Everyone got a pancake with a sausage embedded in it!!  Am I the only one who is repulsed by this?

Apparently so, because the recipe has been making its way around the office email.

Now while I am no stranger to pancakes and sausage the visual of a wane slice of batter with a bas relief sausage link is wholly unappetizing. 

The upside is you could say, “What is this piece of shit?” and mean it as more than just a figure of speech.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 17, 2009 2:27 am

    Can we take a step back for just a moment? Are you disgusted by the source or actually by the recipe. Because honestly, what comes to my mind is like a ‘breakfast pigs-in-a-blanket’. While I’m not claiming pigs in blankets is actually good or healthy, it does also make me think of kosher bageldogs, which are delightful. So…what if we switched regular pancake batter for whole wheat pancake batter and what if ‘sausages’ were actually not Jimmy Dean’s but something more like chorizo? I’d still slather those pups with maple syrup of c0urse, but I love this idea and now I’m hungry! Call me nasty!

    • kristenvolt permalink*
      November 17, 2009 11:10 am

      Anthony, it’s not so much the ingredients – believe me, sausage and pancakes are delightful – it’s the execution. These bible people take normal ingredients and permute them in such a way that is just repulsive. A pancake without the golden hue from a skillet – blasphemous! A sausage trapped in a bloated anemic starch puff – it’s like when dog poop turns white. I am throwing up a little thinking of it. I am convinced that the bible people only eat things that come in squares – perhaps to recall their holy tome.

  2. November 17, 2009 6:45 am

    I’m stretching my imagination to picture a spiritual system consisting of “pancake batter poured in a bread tin with a sausage link every two inches”.
    Is this batter prepared by clog dancers in Dollywood dresses, treading on the ingredients like their Lord did when walking over the Waters?
    And those sausage links? Are they meant to recall the Gateways to Heaven?
    Forget about it, in less than two weeks you’ll have left it all behind. No religion to speak of, and the worst [which, btw, is what we call a ‘sausage’] that may befall you on the culinary plane is taking a bite in a ‘saucijzebroodje’ that has been kept on a warming plate for too long. It’s a small sausage of suspect substance in a puff wrapper.

    • kristenvolt permalink*
      November 17, 2009 11:15 am

      I would think that the type of cuisine pushed at such gatherings would actually serve as a major deterrant to accepting the religion. Of course, cults pump you full of sugar and deny you food to break you down and then control your mind. What then are these church groups pumping you full of? Fat and starch so you can barely move – trapped in a cabin with a bunch of holy loonies. The combined idea of bad food and an adults only bible retreat is more than anyone should be able to stomach.

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